4. Pathological Lying
(Lies, Lies, and more lies in different, shapes, colors, sizes, and textures)!!!
That soul mate or “deep connection” line they talk about during the idealization period, quickly dissipates as the acting gets tiring and the mask starts to come off.
Behold darling. You will catch them in lies… You did at the beginning but ignored them because you gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Did they ever tell you a story full of emotion about how they got out of something, lied to a particular person, institution, or authority figure with so much pride and enthusiasm? You bet! That’s because–that’s what feeds their ego. The thrill of getting away with anything is one of their most precious trophies. Conning, ridiculing, and tricking people gives them one of the most exotic highs (besides their addictions) because they usually have nothing but contempt for others.
The Narcopath will behave differently with each victim, depending on the level of abuse they’ve conditioned them to receive. There are cases, where these monsters conned their women, lovers, partners, friends with benefits, and lovers to take part in heinous acts or do things that they wouldn’t do otherwise. This is just to please their insatiable perverted desires and control power.
They live to break the rules and many times call themselves rebels. No! There is a big difference between being a rebel and being an Antisocial. They fall within the Anti-social personality disorder (APD) category which translates to– I can’t and won’t follow social rules, because I think I am better than everyone else and while I do that, I’ll destroy everything on my path without consequence. After all, they do not fear consequences.
Narcopaths are incapable, because of their self-centered nature and ridiculous beliefs of being above the law. Hence, their lives are chaotic. From lawsuits to debt to collections, liens, backed-up child support, to bankruptcy, and living in deplorable conditions. Often times they will do sexual favors or vice-versa for money.
5. Always on The Prowl
Narcopaths are always on the prowl… A L W A Y S!!! Do not for a minute think otherwise. Day in and day out — despite the lies they tell you. Whether it is power, status, prestige, sex, financial gains, sex, and more sex, emotional support, or whatever it is that makes them feel good at the moment. They’ll adopt a seductive narcissistic pattern to gain their victim’s trust.
A defining characteristic of narcissism is the ability to make positive impressions which later prove to be part of a pattern of exploitation and entitlement. Says Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter in his book When pleasing you is killing Me Narcissists approach “relationships” ( transactions) as some experts refer to them as well in a different way. Their agenda is always about control.
6. Narcopaths Love Triangulation
Triangulation is the act of bringing another person into the dynamic of the relationship, and then making them play against each other. This is with the intention of longing for the Narc’s attention, love, or anything that makes him/her look in high demand.
Triangulation goes hand and hand with Narcissism. This is another weapon they use to manipulate, and make their victims feel unhinged–frequently and effectively disorienting them. They go back and forth between the targets to keep them against each other, merely to serve the Narcopath.
Here are some common triangulation tactics:
- Flirt and deny~ Here’s where they fabricate the jealousy to extract narcissistic supply. They’ll flirt right in your face with the waiter, a co-worker, a friend, the cleaning lady. Then, when you bring it up, they fully deny it or say they didn’t think they were doing anything inappropriate. (Making you doubt your reality or crazy-making)
- Exclusion~ They will exclude you from a conversation, or important events to make you feel unimportant or rejected (usually during the devaluation- discard period)
- Devaluing/Idealizing~ When they tell you that someone else is better than you, or use shame about someone to indirectly shame you and put you down.
Bottom line, you will always feel as though you are in a competition. It is a sad existence that no one should ever experience. Simply go no contact and do not all this person in your life because they are masters at divide and conquer. They’ll put everyone against each other, and in the end, you won’t be speaking to your family, friends, neighbor, boss, etc… while the Narcopath sits there and watches the show.
7. No Moral Compass
Narcissists-Sociopaths don’t have boundaries or a moral compass. They do not care about themselves so why would they care about you or others? They have the innate ability to fake love, care, and genuine concern for others as it suits them. They don’t have the ability to judge what is right and wrong and act accordingly. Better yet, Narcs aren’t interested in having a moral compass. They will lie, use and con others to get what they want for as long as they can.
Narcopaths do not discriminate when it comes to fulfilling their deeply twisted desires. They will sleep with innumerable people of the opposite sex, prostitutes, trans– and even same-sex. They have no boundaries remember?
They’ll carelessly expose themselves (and sadly their partners) to STDs–not to mention that they are usually promiscuous, chronic cheaters and overlappers (entering one relationship while still being in another one). If you pay close attention, they are never alone for too long because they need a constant supply.
Narcopaths are known to have no regard for the law (remember they think they are above the law) or boundaries of any kind. They’ll sleep with you, your best friend, your neighbor, her daughter, her grandmother and if possible and he allows it–the husband. Anything goes!
Rest assured they’ll do anything to get that fix no matter where or how. Some research indicates that they can even be asexual. In other words, even though they’ve slept with half the globe, there is no emotion to the actual act. It is robotic and a mere act to get that momentary high. If someone ever tells you that they don’t believe in morals… Do not walk, remember this post and RUN!
8. The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
They will use any tactic to prevent you and others from seeing their flaws. Healthy people accept that they have flaws. They know that humanity is part of — the human experience. However, most if not all Narcissists refuse to seek help to fix the root cause of their mental illness.
Narcopaths will only share the amount of information that they want. It is all calculated. Don’t ever buy the privacy story. They thrive on that mystery to keep you on the edge and far away as to be able to discover their secret lives. If someone isn’t transparent from the get-go something is wrong. Yes, at first we protect our privacy and don’t share much. That being said, once the relationship is established there shouldn’t be a problem with sharing their personal life with you. Narc’s use the privacy card in order to keep you guessing while at the same time keeping you abyss of their wrongdoings behind your back.
9. Master Manipulators
Manipulation is a Narcopaths’s favorite tool. They’ve mastered it since childhood because they learned early on that, that’s the easiest way to get what they want. They’ve mastered the trade in order to gain control over their targets aka “supply”.
They will manipulate you in several ways, here are a few:
- They know how to reel you in when you realize who they are.
- They target and can smell vulnerable people with low self-esteem and self-worth, who are the ‘echo’ to the sociopath’s ‘narcissism –miles away.’ The victims of sociopaths have had trauma, abuse, or neglect in their lives.”
For example gas-lighting you… they’ll lie about their activities, then make you think you are wrong when you are right, did something they didn’t, or didn’t do something they did.” It’s confusing AF, which is why it’s manipulative.
10. Infidelity and Cheating
You can guaranty that there is always a second reinforcement aka as supply because they have to replace sources of supply. Even in long-term “transactions”, it is because of YOU. You most likely will stimulate the Narcopath in hopes that the relationship can last.
If it walks, moves, breaths they will cheat with. A common denominator among these individuals is that they also have what’s commonly called– addictive personalities. They are almost always addicted to sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, the newness of another person or all of the above.
Quinn says: They can’t help it because they are driven by that impulse. Their obsession is so deeply embedded in their psychological programming that it is impossible for them to overcome. Make no mistake that they will always have a replacement ready or Plan B. Narcopaths can’t ever be faithful, because they lack the consistency within their mental makeup, the ability and the integrity behind it as well.
The video below will give you a clear vision of this dynamic. Must watch:
11. Fake Body Language
Narcopaths, psychopaths and the like are unable to display certain facial expressions, gestures, eye movement, and genuine smiles. It is physically impossible. Psychopaths, for example, are born with an amygdala that’s around 20% smaller than the average human, which means they feel 20% fewer emotions and have a 20% reduction in facial movement.
A study conducted by Tarkin et al. from the University of Minnesota found that most psychopaths don’t even learn what a smile is until around 11 years of age. What they do learn is how to mimic those expressions and emotions depending on their agenda.
Does the occasion require sympathy or remorseful face? They can mimic that.
Accomplished something? They’ll comment but it will almost be impossible for them to genuinely be happy for you. Hence their smiles are almost always– smirks.
12. Persuasiveness and Charm
From gifts to chivalry to compliments to empty outrageous promises. They use persuasiveness and charm to get what they want, no matter who gets hurt.
Awkwardness and ‘misunderstandings’ are some of the most common first signs in dating these sorts. So, they say something on a date and you find yourself feeling a bit confused or thrown off balance. Or they say something that isn’t quite appropriate but you dismiss it as banter. Perhaps, they seem to go out of their way to create a ‘play’ argument or a misunderstanding that feels uncomfortable. Or put you down in some way but in a way that is subtle. Basically, it all amounts to them putting themselves above you, on a pedestal by subtly hinting ‘you aren’t good enough’ or ‘there’s something wrong with you’. Or just a general test to see if you will accept their behavior.
If most or some of the signs above further confirm your suspicions, it is time to take action. Seek a counselor, attorney (if finances and children are involved), online community, recruit people you can trust and get out.
There is no way around this. Staying in a relationship with a toxic person like this will inflict more damage than you can imagine. It is time to take your mental and emotional health seriously.
Over to you. Have you dealt with a Narcopath or anyone with an APD?
Do you think you may be in a relationship with one?
I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below.
Pin the 12 Signs You Are Dealing with a Narcopath article, and read above.
Dr. Les Carter ~ Psychotherapist
The primary and secondary sociopathic personality
Aberrant functional brain connectome in people with antisocial personality disorder
Brady K. T., Myrick H. & McElroy S. The relationship between substance use disorders, impulse control disorders, and pathological aggression. Am J Addict 7, 221–230, 10.1111/j.1521-0391.1998.tb00340.x (1998
How a Narcissist Looks at Life AND You (Great article)
https://youtu.be/nsWE_8ZIPQg (How to Identify a Sociopath)
Image by Michael Gehlert from Pixabay